This Wasn’t Supposed to be My Story
By Erica Dvorak
Erica is the founder of Faith & Gather and host of the Faith Inspired Podcast by Faith & Gather. She is mom to a toddler full of energy and wife to a man who is nothing short of a gift. Her passion and purpose in life are to inspire hope and courage in others through her faith in Jesus Christ.
“They’re getting the baby out!” Those were not the words I imagined myself saying to my husband over the phone the morning our first child was born. With tears streaming down my face and a burning sense of panic all over my body, the doctor yelled for me to get off the phone. I told my husband I loved him, and no sooner than those words were spoken, I was rushed to the operating room by the doctor and an army of nurses.
As I was trying to collect my thoughts on the severity of the situation and the reality of having a baby alone, the doctor told me I would not witness my son’s delivery just like my husband. I needed to be put under general anesthesia. Excuse me? What?
I felt robbed. Today was supposed to be one of the best days of my life, but instead, I experienced trauma followed by a year of anxiety and depression. This wasn’t supposed to be my story.
Following my son’s birth, I clung to the Word of God like I had never before. When my mind was spinning, I would turn to His life-giving words. I would pray that He would give me the strength to survive the next five minutes and the next five after that until my head hit the pillow.
As my son started to learn how to sit up, crawl, and eventually walk, so did I. Each day became a little easier, and I could see how God was working through my situation. As I started to share my story, I soon realized it gave others a chance to express their own unplanned stories and talk about their anxiety, fears, self-doubt, and loneliness. Through these intimate conversations, I was able to give glory to God, share my faith and my true source of redemption and healing.
As written in Deuteronomy 8:3, we are often humbled to realize our need to be utterly dependent on the provisions from God: “He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”
For 40 years, the Israelites were humbled to rely on God for their daily source of food, manna. The word manna is believed to be a variation of the word “man-hu,” meaning “what is it?”
So often, we expect our stories to go how we planned. Then life happens, causing us to ask, “What is it?” Or more like “What is this?” An issue with finances, a job loss, a relationship gone sour, infertility, or in my case, an unimaginable birth story.
God will allow situations in our lives that cause us to question, but he will never leave us to struggle on our own. The Israelites were expecting God to provide what they had always known. What he gave them was moment-to-moment dependence on God. But isn’t it funny that the same situation the Israelites questioned was the food that fed them for 40 years?
If your situation is causing you to ask, “What is it?” turn to the Word of God, His sweet manna, and He will sustain you.
