The Robin’s Nest
Haley resides in Saint Paul, MN, where she runs Hilivate, a digital marketing consulting firm for small businesses and non-profits. She is a wife, dog-mom, and loves a good book with a cup of coffee.
In late June 2020, I learned I was pregnant with our first child! The test was positive, the symptoms were setting in, and we had a lot of fun telling our family and friends that our first baby was on its way.
Around that same time, a robin had built its nest near our back door. I was watching the nest as eagerly as I was consuming information about my new pregnancy and baby-to-be.
After a few short weeks, the eggs had hatched! We saw about 2-3 baby birds in the nest fed by Mama Bird. The robins were very protective of the area.
The night of July 21, my husband and I decided to go on a bike ride. When we returned, the nest was gone, and the robins were in a frenzy near the area the nest had been. My heart was hurting for these new bird parents, and I wanted to try and help them. I did a quick Google search and found out that if it’s possible to get the nest back to the same spot it was at, then the babies will have a higher chance of survival because the parents will know where to go to care for them.
Since the nest had been balancing on top of the gutter, placing it back in the same spot proved to be impossible. The nest eventually fell on the ground, and I decided to try and put it as close to the original location as I could on top of a disc golf basket we keep in our backyard.
I found one of the baby robins and (wearing gloves) set it in the nest. I diligently watched the nest to see if the parents would find it and care for their little baby.
It worked! Mama was soon bringing food to her baby robin again, and I could watch them through our kitchen window. It felt magical and like a miracle had taken place. At least for a few hours.
The next day, I checked on the nest through the window and everything was still going well. The day proceeded as usual.
When I went into the kitchen for a snack, I looked out the window to check on the nest again and the baby robin was gone. I was shocked. What happened? Did it fall out of the nest again? I went to check, and after not seeing anything (while being dive-bombed by robins), I decided to let it go. It was heartbreaking not knowing what happened to the baby robin, especially because I just shared this magical success story the night before on Instagram. But I felt like this story had a deeper meaning to it.
The next Monday, July 27, I had an ultrasound appointment to determine how far along I was in my pregnancy. It was my second ultrasound, the first one I had they could not determine how far along I was. I had seen my baby’s heartbeat on the screen before, so I figured this should be a fairly short appointment.
By God’s grace, I had driven a different route to the clinic that day. As soon as I got into the ultrasound room and was ready for the technician, I felt God tell me, “You’re going to be okay.”
I wasn’t prepared for how that appointment unfolded.
“I’m sorry.”
“Here are your options.”
“Do you want to speak with a nurse today or have them call you later?”
I was devastated and shocked by the news that I was going to miscarry our first child. And I didn’t want to have a total breakdown in a doctor’s office with a mask on – without my husband or anyone with me – while knowing I would have to walk out into the lobby past women who were still pregnant. I shed a few tears while the technician and doctor were out of the room, but when they were there I went into a state of “all business” by getting the facts and trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.
I went to my car and the song “Dream a Little Dream of Me” by Cass Elliot played on the radio. I’ll never forget that song or that moment saying goodbye to my child.
Another “Grace of God” moment was that my husband had a root canal that same morning. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly a gracious moment for him… but that meant he would be home shortly after I was getting home. I wouldn’t need to call him at work and he didn’t have to give a false explanation to his co-workers about why he wouldn’t be coming in the rest of the day. Also, the numbing agents for his root canal gave him a lisp because his face was half-numbed, so that was kind of funny.
The doctors, nurses, and I still don’t know why I miscarried my first child. I’ll probably never know. But I do know that the robin’s nest we had now carries a whole new meaning.
A good friend of mine did a painting based on the photo I took of the nest. I plan to keep that painting for the rest of my life to remind me that even when I don’t know why we didn’t get to meet our first child, God was with us and giving us these symbols to help process our loss because He is good.
Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest, they don’t have storerooms or barns, but God feeds them. And you are worth much more than birds. Luke 12:24 (NCV)
I will make rivers flow on the dry hills
and springs flow through the valleys.
I will change the desert into a lake of water
and the dry land into fountains of water.
Isaiah 41:18 (NIV)
If you, or someone you know, has recently experienced a miscarriage, I recommend the devotional Loved Baby by Sarah Philpott, PhD.
